It's a Hard Day's Night

I never really understood that song, and I'm not sure I totally still do but today was a HARD day and now we are into the night of this hard day.  This has undoubtedly been my HARDEST most awful day since I first came to Kenya in March of 2011.  It started off beautiful, as you know, but quickly went ugly.  

I was first asked "Where is the money for the Virginia Home's food?"  Ummm, no one gave me money? 

Next up, we've had some issues with our driver...he has developed this attitude over the past few visits...we pay him, yet he calls his own shots: shows up late, won't stay where we ask him to, etc.  Today he asked us for gas money and he may have asked for more money than the total gas that was pumped.  He is also bucking back against some of our requests.

Then, we were told by one of the people at the Virginia Home that some of the times we had planned on being there they were not available...what?!?!  They've known we were coming for HOW LONG?  At this point I'm stressed, so I "tussle" with one of my boys about something silly.

We got to the house where we were staying after a very long day and our cook told us we'd have to eat out because he didn't have any money for food, then he gave me an "estimate" for food for the next month...it was quite high.  Our driver was not happy that his services would require him to work in the evening.

My internet modem is not working (just bought it today) so I'm using my son's and therefore can't upload photos which is my FAVORITE thing to do...

The icing on the cake came after our "dinner out" when I was given a bill for some things that I had already contributed on in the house where I am staying.

Let me tell you, after many many tears tonight, I am ready to come home.  I'm ready to have hope for South Dallas instead of Kenya.  But wait...God never said giving would be easy, right?  He never said things would be perfect for us, but we are called to help.  My son read me a scripture today, 1 Peter 5:10:  "In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus.  So after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support and strengthen you and he will place you on a firm foundation. "  I sincerely hope so, because at this point, I am beaten down.  I am wondering why I am here.  Why didn't I just send money??  

Tomorrow is another day.  I am hopeful that my mind will be renewed.  We are talking about asserting ourselves more.  They can't hear God's message if we don't speak loudly enough.  (that is hard to do though, y'all)  I do love those children.  I do believe I am smart enough, and trust in God enough that I can figure this thing out.  I know many many people have suffered TREMENDOUSLY for trying to do the right things, and my "worst day ever" barely (if at all) makes it on their radar.  I'm just trying to keep it real, if it was all a perfect package, everyone would sign up and no one would have needs because we'd all know exactly how to help each other.

But it truly is a Hard Day's Night and I have to have faith that there IS a brighter tomorrow.   We want to make a difference while we are here in Kenya, we just need some direction and NO distractions (like inflated bills or the word "NO").

I think I'm going to bed now.